Are Christian Marriages in Trouble?

Are Christian marriages in trouble? No more so than a secular marriage. In 2004, The Barna Research Group found the divorce rate nearly equal between born-again Christians and the general public.

Getting married is a big job. Working at a Christian marriage should be an easier job. If a Christian marriage isn’t working what can you and your spouse do?

Determine why the marriage is in trouble. Christians and the secular population get divorced for different reasons. While seculars divorce for incompatibility, Christian marriages usually fail for one of three reasons; adultery, abuse and abandonment.

If you have a Christian marriage in trouble, and are a devout Christian, you can consider Christian counseling. Please take the time to recognize if you are in a bad situation, suffering from physical or emotional abuse. If so, make sure that you (and your children) are safe from harm.

What makes Christian counseling different from secular counseling when trying to save a Christian marriage? The Bible.

The Bible is recognized as the authority, the final word, on many issues. Scripture will be a part of the counseling process along with traditional psychology. Be prepared to look into yourself to address your obedience to God and his will. To make a sincere attempt to save your Christian marriage you have to be open to God’s word.

To read more about the Barna Research Group and the dilemma in Christian divorce rates, visit Christians Divorce at Same Rate as Others But for Different Reasons at John Mark Ministries. You’ll find a great list of reading resources on the topic which you can find from Zondervan.

It is interesting to note that the number one Christian book sold on the market today is Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. If you are having some problems, and maybe are not feeling quite ready for counseling, consider reading this book or another that you would feel more comfortable with.

The Five Love Languages was first published in 1992 and to be the number one best seller on the Christian book list says a lot. Perhaps some new strategies can shake up a stagnant Christian marriage and offer you new hope for the future.

Does the Barna report equate to Christian marriages having failed? What can we do to save a Christian marriage? Are there some Christian marriages that should not be saved?

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I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Blog Island family, however, although it has only been a short time since we created and I started blogging at Her Christian Blog, I have other obligations at this time and I will have to say farewell to my faithful readers.

Please visit all the cool sites here at Blog Island until a new blogger can take on Her Christian Blog for you.

God Bless!

Welcome to the June 15, 2008 edition of Her Christian Blog Carnival.

And what better way to start off our carnival on The Fruit of the Spirit then with a few messages sending us out as God did the disciples at Pentecost. Here are those messages from Crystal Nichols posted at Christian in the Corporate World.

Read Go! The Lord has gone ahead of you! Crystal says, “In Judges 4, Deborah was having a busy day. As the judge-prophetess for Israel, she was busy solving disputes for the people when God spoke to her.”

And in her message Faith in the Workplace: Planting Seeds she says, “One of the reasons I started this blog was because I have lot of trouble expressing my faith, especially at the office. The idea of “planting seeds” gives me a lot of encouragement and also scares me a little too! Make that a lot.”

Kathleen Gage presents A life can be changed by a few simple words posted at Daily Awareness, saying, “Words have power. How often have you heard this and yet, how true is it? Learn how one affirmation can change your life forever.”

Claudia Riley presents The Greatest Joy posted at Standing Straight.

Julie presents Living Green - Dominion and Stewardship of God’s Creation posted at M4K Parenting & Family Life.

Christopher Johnson with a wonderful idea to bring Christian’s together presents a message about a new site called His-Friends posted at christopheraaronjohnson.net, saying, “I need your help to build a Christian community where everyone can come to make friends, keep in contact with friends and family, and give and receive support and encouragement.”

Theresa L. Twogood at OLIN e-Book e-Publishing presents three reads for us with Turn Back Because, Big Picture Progressive Exposure and Daily Prayer Journal.

We also welcome our friends who would like to share their messages on Business, Finance, Politics and Other:

Big Larry presents Dealing with Debt Biblically posted at Holy Cash Cow, saying, “Being overwhelmed by debt doesn’t just exact a financial toll, but an emotional and spiritual one as well. Churches are rapidly becoming a crucial support system for those that find themselves financially over their heads.” This is a GREAT site, I hope you can check it out.

J. Karlin presents The Best Fundraising Idea posted at Marketing & Fundraising Ideas.

Michael Snyder presents The Picture Of The Hindu God That Barack Obama Carries For Good Luck posted at Shattered Paradigm.

Recoil presents Pavlina Says Jesus was a Fictional Character posted at Double Barreled Opinions.

That concludes this edition. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Yesterday we heard from Mike Walsh on his post “Dear Christian” and I think while there are many points to argue, my message is not about arguing. As God’s servants we are called to facilitate the work of God in many different ways. Also as God’s servants we are all one in the same a Christian, each with a background from a multitude of beliefs.

What we are not is perfect. We are all sinners and perhaps maybe some have a bit more sin in them then others, but sin is sin. There are those we could even question as to whether or not they are real Christians based on their actions but we know that we are not to judge.

Having patience seems core in living with others, Christian and otherwise. I also am of the belief that the wrongs of one do not necessarily represent or take away from the good of others in a group. I would no sooner generalize all Christians as evil or hating as I would Muslims.

I’m concerned with the generalizations of missionaries. There are missions too numerous to name that have facilitated giving regardless of a person’s belief system, in the name of God, not to force God on anyone, but to do a true service for God. I would not consider the actions of Mother Theresa, Amy Carmichael, Dr. Albert Schweitzer just to name a few, anything perpetrated by an “evil group of humans.” These people are the very essence of patience, people who made great sacrifices in their lives so others could live a better life.

In using missionaries as an example, it is quite appropriate to note in our study of patience that we are all missionaries of one sort or another and yesterday’s post has one incredible point that Christians should consider. In the bible we are directed not to send any away from the fold. Our actions sometimes speak louder than our words, and to do more than what God has equipped each of us for can sometimes send another away from God.

As such we have to have patience and represent our Christianity through our actions and words. We should feel that we’ve touched others in a positive way. Mike said it simply:

If God is the truth, He will find me. Don’t sell Him to me.

I ain’t buying.

I can’t say it any plainer; God knows when each will come into the fold. We don’t need to sell Mike anything. We have to remember it’s free for all and if we live a good life and share the fruit of the Spirit and are patient in sharing God with others by how we live, act and speak, then all will see what a Christian life can be about. It is not always about TV evangelism or beating down doors. It is having an open door and an open heart to all you come in contact with.

Have you been giving the tough sell to your family, friends or co-workers about being a Christian? Have you lost patience with them or they with you over the discussion of religion?

Today I’m going to post something from Mike Walsh, better known as Mikey the Rhino at Election-Coverage.com. Tomorrow I can give you my take on what exactly this has to do with this week’s theme, Peace and our study of the Fruit of the Spirit.

So without further adieu I give Mikey the Rhino the floor…

Dear Christian,

Jokes and humor have been a major part of my blog posts. Time to put the jokes to bed. Maybe even bare my teeth a bit here.

God I like, as a concept, but I have trouble believing in Him.

The people who believe in Him have a nasty tendency to be, well, let’s face it, nasty. They make it hard to look at God and think “I want to be like these people and follow them into the Kingdom of Heaven”

Two examples of what I view as wrong with the men who work In God’s name follow. There are many more.

Missionaries, as one example of the wrong perpetrated in the name of God, are about as evil a group of humans that as had or will have ever existed. The point I have always had a problem with, is that of forcing religion down the throats of those they want to convert. Do you think the American Indians who first ran into the Spanish wanted a new God? The Chinese and Japanese I am pretty sure didn’t really need the Christian God that was foisted On them By missionaries several hundred years ago. I’m sure they were fine with whatever spirits they believed in.

And there are missionaries who do this even now. If people really wanted God, They would have sought Him out. Leave the people of the world be. That actually goes out to ALL religions. The world would be a better place without having God and religious beliefs forced on us.

Why do you think missionaries were killed or as religious types like to put it, martyred, as they were when Things went sour?

Another more modern group of “Christians” who are just wrong, In my opinion at least, are the modern preachers. Let’s look at one.

Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

As an American I was unhappy with his anti-American statements, but I could live with them. You have freedom of speech and can say what you like. No worries there.

But His anti-Semitic ranting and His anti-white talk are absolutely against all the good that is in the Bible, and the hearts of honest upstanding citizens.

He preached In church for 30 some odd years. I’m certain there are preachers like him and Robertson, Tilton and Bakker and the like of all colors and denominations who have preached similar hate and have taken advantage of others for their own gain, and have spoken with hate In their hearts to children, to mothers and fathers. Making it look like it is ok to hate. That it has God’s sanction. It is coming from the pulpit, how could it not look like that?

‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ Christ is said to have said this On the cross. The translation is “My God, My God, Why have you Forsaken me?”

He didn’t. But his forebears certainly have. The ideals upon which the church was to have been built, Love and Truth, have been undermined by those wishing to further their own aims.

And if you don’t see naked, blind ambition in either of the examples I gave, you aren’t looking hard enough.

There is no love In pushing God On those who don’t want it.

There is No truth in hate pushed from the pulpit, no matter the cause.

If God is the truth, He will find me. Don’t sell Him to me.

I ain’t buying.

Wanna argue any of the points I made here? I’d be more than happy to speak to you about it.

The Rhino

Next stop Patience…somehow I would hope if I have Love, Joy and Peace that certainly I would have patience. As a mom however, patience seems like the one thing I run the lowest on for most of my days. I set little bench markers of hope where I think if I make it to this point all will be well.

So basically when all the kids are four and older, there will be no more diapers and pull ups to manage and they will all be potty trained; when all the kids are six and older there will be no more daycare, preschool or half day kindergarten to worry about and all will be well. I don’t know that it takes a Christian to get through these things but most definitely I know the bible tells me all these great things about patience so surely, patience counts for something.

I know that the rules and the expectations change, what else will I have to manage with patience after age 6? Oh, please don’t tell me for I know worry will abound, especially with my oldest at eleven. I suppose worry is a bad word for Christians and after having three girls, worry soon becomes in low supply after one has broken some teeth on a skateboard, and another is always running this way and that into danger.

So maybe the waning of worry is actually a sign of better things to a stretched out mom. At some point maybe patience wins out, is it that point where others around us look at us as if we are crazy while we calmly hold a screaming boo-boo’d up child. Is it the point where we could just collapse if not for the fact that some little person needs us more?

Is that what it is to God? Are we boo-boo’d up and screaming and there is nothing less than he can give us than all of his love and patience?

Oh if I could have that for people every day of the week.

Do you have an ongoing struggle with patience? How do you overcome being short of patience?

Peace is not an easy Spirit. I can see why it only comes from Jesus. Can we share peace? Only the peace we know. Unfortunately, we can’t make another know peace, they just have to search for it and feel it on their own. How do we search for it? We remember Him and when we are walking on choppy water, we have to keep our eyes on Him so we don’t sink.

Can you remember Him?

We interupt our regularly scheduled program to announce that Her Christian Blog is hosting its first Blog Carnival. You’re invited to submit posts for our June and July carnivals on the Fruit of the Spirit. Pick a fruit or two or more, enter in either or both months, have the Holy Spirit lead the way!

Submissions can be made at Blog Carnival. Deadline is Friday, June 13th and the Fruit of the Spirit Carnival will post Sunday evening to start out the week!

Here’s a fruit refresher…

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfullness
Gentleness
Self Control

Let’s Share the Fruit!

You’ve never submitted to a blog carnival before? Well, I’ve never hosted one, so let’s see how much fun we can have together. Blog Carnival makes it easy. So sign up now.

And please visit the June 2nd edition of the Carnival of Christian Women at Dandelions and Daydreams.

2 Timothy 2 has some important messages about peace. It is a call to be mature, pursue things that are right with righteousness, faith, love and peace. More than just in God, we can apply peace to our daily lives. In 2 Timothy 2:22-23 says:

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”

The Peace Podcast

To read along…

Do you find it easy exemplifying Timothy’s commandments outlined in 2 Timothy 2? What are your struggles in keeping the peace?

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

James 5: 16

One place to find peace is through confession. About a third of the way through our worship service there is a time for the Silent Prayer of Confession followed by the Assurance of God’s Forgiveness. The most recent book I’ve checked out of my church library has given new meaning to me for that quiet time of oneness with God.

Search For Silence by Elizabeth O’Connor is a book about our potential for growth through the act of confession. She delves deeper into not just what it would mean for our own personnal growth, but the possibility of growth for the Christian communitiy when we have a true understanding of confession and how our attitudes and belief system affects those around us. When we can better learn things about ourselves we are well equiped to have a better understanding of others.

“We do not confess our faults in order that God may be better acquanted with them, but in order that the concreteness of words will increase our own understanding.” (page 29)

She speaks of a journey, a pilgrimage of Christianity. She refers to the Sermon on the Mount as a call to pilgrimage, our examples to live by. Unfortunately it is stated that an error has been made when we set these examples as standards for everyone to live up to. We are reminded that we should not be concerned with the speck in our brothers’ eyes. Let me tell you how peaceful it is to not judge others. Now there is a fruitful act of peace.

The book is broken up into two sections and includes exercises and passages for meditation following each section for spiritual growth and contemplation. Section one has a focus on confession and the second section has a focus on prayer.

This is an enjoyable book and can be approached as a personal study. The meditation passages are wonderful, some names are familiar others more often are new to us. I recommend this book, even if you skip the exercises and just skim the meditation passages, it is still a contemplative book and offers food for thought. Unfortunate if you have to go that route but any bit of peace you can find in the day is peace well found.

Although the time for the Silent Prayer of Confession followed by the Assurance of God’s Forgiveness is brief, it could be the most important part of our worship in that we are communicating with God and he to us. If any are on a search for silence, I believe this book could greatly enrich this time when we have true silence in our week, and we need to speak to God and hear him speak back to us… CHECK IT OUT!

I hope you can find this book or even similar meditations that will bring you closer to God and to His peace.

Where are some of the other places you find peace? Is there a book you can recommend? A daytime ritual you follow or a part of your church service that brings you this peace from the Spirit? Share with us…